Unibrows and Unanswered Questions
On being honest, staying curious, and learning alongside your kids!
“Mom, when will J. start having to shave his unibrow?”
My face twisted before I could stop it, looking at my daughter incredulously. “His unibrow?”
“Yeah, when will that start growing in?” she asked.
My son started laughing, and the two of us followed suit.
There are so many questions in motherhood that I never thought I’d have to answer, this being one of the most recent ones. We had a moment to laugh, and I lovingly corrected my daughter, then answered her question.
The questions don’t get any easier as they get older, though. Sometimes, in between the goofy questions to get a laugh, you notice how their questions mature alongside them. You get a peek into the intellectual side of their brain, forming so many connections, some we hadn’t even thought of before.
Our most recent one from our son went something like this: “If the Bible says every man will taste death [Hebrews 9:27], then does that contradict what happens when the rapture occurs and we all disappear [1 Thess. 4:16-17]?”
Yikes.
I was not prepared for that one. However, instead of hopelessly flailing around to make something up, I did what I had been working on with myself over the past couple of years.
I acknowledged his question and the fact that I hadn’t considered it before. I let him know I didn’t have an answer just yet, but I would look into it. Then I read Scripture [Ps. 119:105], prayed [1 Thess. 5:17; Col. 4:1], and sought wise counsel from others[Prov. 1:5]. When the time came, I talked to him about what I had learned from studying the topic. Even if it still left a couple of questions, it did not go unanswered.
Too many times have I been faced with other questions and wanted to leave them with a simple “I don’t know.” You know kids, though. They don’t forget. The questions just keep banging around in their head. If we don’t answer them, they will find other sources to go to. Those sources may not always lead them on the right path. "Even Scripture acknowledges it: ‘When I was a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child’ (1 Cor. 13:11). With that, I’ve never felt comfortable leaving my kids alone to their own devices to find their answers.
I have wanted to pawn it off on someone else to answer. There are some instances where someone may be better qualified or well-versed on a topic. They can offer insight that we as parents may not have. I love to learn alongside my kids when this happens. I can go talk to said person about the topic for an answer, or my kids and I will talk to them together. That way, they can ask any other questions that may come up. We discuss those things afterward as a family.
I don’t know everything.
I don’t know when my son’s “unibrow” will grow in to be shaved.
Some connections have never occurred to me. My brain doesn’t form the same trains of thought my kids do.
That doesn’t stop us from talking. It doesn’t stop a conversation. Not knowing starts one. It provides new opportunities to learn. Instead of a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ we get to work through them. Together!
As I’m typing this, I realize that I’ve still been in the mode of gathering answers for my kids. That’s not a bad thing to do, as I’ve reiterated through this piece, but am I teaching them how to seek answers for themselves? They won’t be at home forever. While I will always be a phone call or text message away, at some point, they will need to be able to do this for themselves [Prov. 22:6], and even teach this to their own children.
So far I’ve been leading by example [1 Pet. 5:3; Titus 2:7]. I grab my Bible and say, “Let’s look at this together.” I’ve admitted when I don’t know something. When I ask for clarification from someone else, I let my kids know who I went to and why I trusted them to ask. Perhaps it’s time to be more intentional.
Not as in a class on how to do this. (How many kids zone out immediately when they feel like it’s school?) In such a way as to invite them with their own Bibles to flip to verses with me. To show them how I’m finding verses on certain topics and let them try. When I consider who to ask about a topic, I invite them to think of who to ask and to come with me to that person or to participate in the phone call.
Earlier, I said I never wanted to leave my kids to their own devices to find answers. I stand by that. But there's a difference between leaving them alone and teaching them to navigate well. This may be the next step in my discipleship to my children…
Ultimately, this isn’t about having all the answers. It’s an encouragement to be present in the questions. To be honest when we don’t know something. To be the ones who walk our kids toward the truth rather than leaving them to find their own way there.
Be intentional.
Have conversations.
Learn alongside your kids.
Information is more accessible today than ever, which is both a blessing and a curse. But that’s a topic for another day.
And the unibrow? We’re still waiting. But when it comes in, at least I’ll be ready for that conversation, too!
Dig Deeper:
Job 8:8-10; Prov. 1:1-7; James 1:5; Ecc. 11:5
When I was a kid. I remember my mom telling me that I would remember the answer better if I looked it up myself. I guess I didn't care as much about the answer because I never bothered to look it up. 😉